Breakdancin’ Love Songs & The Noise Guy From Police Academy

October 27, 2010 by Editor
Filed under Film Reviews

Lovelines (1984)

Directed By: Rod Amateau

Review Written By: Ken Knight
Mondo Film & Video Guide Feature Contributor
IMDb.com Link

Arguably the cheesiest (and most forgotten) romp of an 80’s “guy-flick” if there ever was one, this obscure R-rated “teenie-bopper” flick debuted in November 1984 at just 200 Theaters in the US making a paltry $250,000 it’s opening (and closing) weekend, then got delegated to late-night Cable TV through 1985 and most of ’86 which is when I first watched it and well, sort-of fell for it! Comedian Michael Winslow of “Police Academy” fame is the star “host” of what he calls “Lovelines” telling (us viewers) the exploits and fallacies of the “Coldwater Canyon High” student-body *which of course consists of much-older actors and actresses portraying high school students* and it’s typical for the “adult-oriented” high school-themed 80’s genre this film intentionally adheres to!

PIPER (played by Mary Beth Evans of “General Hospital” fame) falls for the affable male musician RICK (played by Greg Bradford of “Zapped!” fame) and everything goes to hell because Piper’s jock brother “Godzilla” doesn’t want his cute sister anywhere near Rick, there’s a “Battle of the Bands” contest going on and the other characters are busy either getting drunk, topless, and/or beaten-up in some way shape or form…not to mention the music (which is actually really good!) and Michael Winslow’s comic add-ins throughout the film, LOVELINES is a campy foray into what was Hollywood’s funny portrayal of the early 1980’s in films such as this one.

Best scenes were the prank pulled on the rival school’s swim-team where the ladies’ swimsuits were sabotaged to make them dissolve in the water (resulting in one hell of a full-frontal gratuitous nudity scene at the beginning of the film) and then there was the special car rigged to launch “booze balloons” at a car chasing it thus getting the rival driver busted for DWI because he had booze all over him! I give LOVELINES a single thumbs-up for its sheer outrageousness which makes it fun to watch, but it’s only available nowadays on old VHS copies as it has yet to be released onto DVD.