Go Fuck An Iceberg

Posted on Feb 17, 2010

Go Fuck An Iceberg!
Review #001  Savage Streets (1984)
Starring: Linda Blair, John Vernon, and Linnea Quigley

written by: Justin Bozung
Mondo Film & Video Guide Editor

Let’s face it. If you rent, or purchase or ilegally download
Linda Blair’s Savage Streets you did so, because you’re
like us here at Mondo Film and Video suffer from the
disease which we call – The Linda Blair Petunia
Complex. Trust me, it’s something NO doctor can cure
or give you medicine for.

The Petunia Complex is an intense worship of actress
Linda Blair. It may be a sexual condition, but what we
know for sure, is that science has proven, that it is the
pudgy girl next door crush you had growing up,
transported onto 35mm film stock. And almost NOTHING is left up to your imagination ever again.

You could watch Linda Blair in a Disney film, and if someone walked in on your viewing, you’d for sure try to grab the remote, and try flipping the channel to cover up the filth you think, they’d think you are watching.

Savage Streets starts, and right away you get Blair and gang strutting their goods down Hollywood Blvd.   And you just know that something’s gonna happen. Call Guiness Records here, as Linda Blair has the fastest nipples in west. She’s tough, gritty, raw and sleazy,and oozing sex appeal.

About 34 mins into the film. You realize to yourself, that something is wrong. The rape scene in the high school gym with the muted scream queen legend Linnea Quigley is truely one of the most sleazy, disturbing, sequences in exploitation film history.  This being one of Quigley’s bigger roles at the time, she looks to be about the age of 15 and extremely boyish, even laying there nude.

Savage Streets, is a rape and revenge epic with a female hero and a Lou Gramm / Foreigner esque soundtrack.  Linda Blair as Brenda, is tough here, sexy, and was given the most qoutable lines from any exploitation film ever. ” I wouldn’t fuck him, if he had the last dick on earth”…

John Vernon appears briefly as the high school principal. Terribly type casted. Most will remember him as Dean Wormer from National Lampoon’s Animal House.However, he does have two of the best lines in the film.  When standing tall to the films antagonist scumbag gang of thugs, The Scars, he kicks them out of the school, telling them to “Go fuck an iceberg”…. and lastly,  “You little faggots better get outta here, before feed you to cops”… This is a nice surprise, especially since fans will remember John Vernon in another Linda Blair film, Chained Heat.

With the rape of her sister, Linnea Quigley, and the murder of her best friend, Linda Blairn turns vigilante, throws on a black elvis’d jumpsuit, purchases some bear traps!!!, and a badass crossbow, and goes a huntin “Scars.”  These guys aren’t the Thunderbirds from Grease.

Also, in a surprise appearance that only I care about. One of the Scars features B movie actor John Venocur.  You know him from nothing, whatsoever,  but I know him for his apperances on the VH-1 Reality show from 2008, Scott Baio is 45..and single. Yeah, Scott Baio, you read correctly.

Savage Streets is sexy, tough, brutal, violent and a ton of fun. It’s a great film, and a classic that’s highly qoutable, and if you don’t own it already, you should be ashamed of yourself.  Sadly the film is out of print on dvd, so start huntin the thrift stores and used dvd stores for your own copy. No one’s gettin mine.  I would not sleep until you find one..

Justin Bozung is the co-founder of The Mondo Film & Video Guide.  You can email him directly
at justinb@mondo-video.com