Late Night Lonely Boy

March 6, 2010 by Editor
Filed under Mondo Archive

Main Entry: per-vert

Function: transitive verb Definition: from Latin pervertere to overturn, corrupt, pervert, from per-thoroughly + vertere to turn. To cause to turn aside from what is good or true or morally right: corrupt: to cause to turn aside or away from what is generally done or accepted: misdirect: to divert to a wrong end or purpose: misuse: to twist the meaning of sense of or misinterpret: late night lonely boy.

I’m just your slightly overweight balding average guy stuck in his parents basement at age 32. I live for baseball, Miller High Life, Julie Strain, Internet “access,” Taco Bell, KFC, and my schnitzel in my palm at the end of a hard workin’ day when all’s asleep upstairs. My job stinks, and so does my underwear!

Some could say, I’m a perv-o. But I enjoy the simple things in life. I love pay cable movie channels, since I was a teenager back in the ’90′s. I don’t mind the 11pm video store run either. These movies have taught me everything about sex, that a cheap hooker doesn’t have the time for, and I can’t afford. Sure I’ve had girlfriends here and there, I love women, I love when they cook me dinner, and clean the house, and buy me new underwear. But at the end of the day, it’s just me, myself and I. I’m not a morning guy, I’m a old school night owl, cause at night – that’s when the creatures come out to play…I watch and review the movies your parents, girlfriends, and wives don’t want you to watch or enjoy for that matter… I’ll be your portal into perversion, you’re escape into the low budget erotic of late night cable/video store sleaze. I’m the Late Night Lonely Boy……………….

Before you read on further, let me explain the Late Night Lonely Boy rating system…or as you may, the UNRATED system of how we do things here in the basement!

The “Goin’ Blind O Meter”

The best rating a movie can receive is 4 Lester’s. Lester is this creepy old blind guy down the street that you JUST know if punshing himself and his body with adult films every night. The adult section at your local video store is named after him. Similiar how a college dedicates one of there newer buildings to an alumni contributor. I know what you’re asking? How can an old BLIND guy watch a porno? HIGH volumes…… HIGH volumes…..Brail not needed!

Here’s a simple breakdown on the rating system..

1 Lester – It’s got a few key moments, but not too much going on with the plot. A hot chick or two. You’re gonna need your dvd remote in hand to keep returning to the “good scenes.” Don’t worry about putting down your KFC drumstick here.

2 Lesters – It’s getting better. The chicks are hot and frequent. The story line is ok, but it could be improved. There are extended sections of “good scenes” so the remote can rest next to you. You’d be best, editing this movie down to just your favorite “good scenes” into a compilation tape. Hurry up and eat that drumstick, and do it quickly!

3 Lesters – A decent film, worth watching again in it’s entirety. Chalk full of hot chicks, doing obsene things to each other non stop. Great story lines, funny, well written, entertaining, you’d better think twice about grabbing a drumstick .

4 Lesters – Should win an academy award. 10 out of 10. Don’t even think about eating chicken during this flix. You’re gonna be busy. Great story, super hot chicks, uber entertainment! Rockets Read Glare!

You won’t find any hard core adult pornography or nudity here. It’s all left up to your imagination. Besides, with that, what’s left? The story is just as important as the nudity. Almost every film I’ll be plunging into here, is grossly mis-catalogued’ Most video stores or movie channels, label these movies as “Thrillers” or “Comedies.” So sit back, click thru the vhs/dvd cover art, and check out some of my favorite actresses, like Joan Severance, Maria Ford, Julie Strain, and Shannon Tweed.

Here is what I’ve been watching at night!

Battle In Heaven (2005)

These pay cable movie channels, are going crazy. Blah Blah, East,West, Comedy, Black, Encore, Horror, Action, all these crazy divisions. It’d been great if they didn’t just run the same 12 movies over and over between all of them. Why is Crazy as Hell with the black dude from ER, and Coming to America, on the black channel, then again two hours later on Comedy? You know who I am talking about “Darrell” with the jerry curl stain on the sofa, in Eddie Murphy’s Coming to America? Univision is just one plain channel of zany latino fun.

This thought brings me to Batalla en el Cielo. Roughly translated – THE BOOK OF THE DEAD.. Ok, sorry.. It means Battle in Heaven. The film according to my tv remote was released in 2005, and it got 2 stars, according to the cable company, what the hell? These TV remotes gotta be programmed by Leonard Maltin, DIE MALTIN DIE!………READ MORE

Payback (1995)