Movies That Changed My Life – January 2011

Movies That Changed My Life – January 2011

Malibu Express (1985)

Written By: Ken Knight
Mondo Film &  Video Guide Feature Contributor

Malibu Express (1985) was the first of its kind written and directed by the late guy-flick visionary Andy Sidaris and despite it’s B-movie designation denying it major theatrical release, it became a late night Cable TV sensation showed over and over again after 11pm where I first caught it one Halloween night back in the mid-80’s, when I stayed up late that weekend to watch the “Creature Feature” showing of 1931’s classic Dracula and Frankenstein back-to-back which had become a bit of a tradition for this kid back in the 80’s. It was about 1am when the credits rolled on Frankenstein and I was just about to turn off the TV when I flipped the channel to Cinemax. Catching the opening of a film I had never seen before and it’s corny music, I saw the names of two Playboy® Playmates I was familiar with (having taken peeks at my Uncle’s vast Playboy magazine collection many times during my teenage years) as part of the cast: Barbara Edwards and Kimberly McArthur!

Well I had to see those two gorgeously-endowed ladies in this movie no matter how cheesy the soundtrack was, so I sat there in the dark watching what I came to know as MALIBU EXPRESS. I remember being transfixed to the screen as the movie opened to show the main character “Cody Abilene” at the shooting range where he perfectly missed the target with his long barreled .44 Magnum then he went to Willow Springs Raceway (a real race track by the way) to meet up with a female driver by the name of “June Khnockers” (played by sexy Lynda Wiesmeier ~also of Playboy fame) who disrobes to show off her beautiful titties and attack Cody in the locker room which made the case for “friends with benefits” all the more! The next scene where Cody roars off in his DeLorean sports car and June stands there in too-tight booty shorts watching him go is to this day one of my favorite “gratuitous” chick scenes in cinematic history!

Long story short, Cody Abilene is a rich Private Eye whose yacht is suitably named the

“Malibu Express” where he’s lucky enough to have two lovelies (Barbara Edwards and Kimberly McArthur) park their yacht in the dock next to his and the proceed to seduce Cody for the fun of it, taking a shower together on his boat which was one of the most alluring nude scenes I had ever seen in a movie at the time! (I was just 17 then haha).

“Mr. Skin’s Skincyclopedia” called that particular moment “One of the hottest topless lesbian shower scenes in the long and hot tradition of lesbian shower scenes!” *Though there is no lesbian touching going on, it consists of two drop-dead-gorgeous and very shapely ladies in a cramped shower together! Then Cody gets a gig from the CIA who wants him to put his body in harm’s way in order to root out a treasonous computer-spying operation selling secrets to the Russians….

Of course his “handler” is none other than a busty blonde Amazon “Contessa Luciana” (played by the uber-hot Sybil Danning whose penchant for taking her clothes off made me hit the rewind-button more than a few times!) and so Cody Abilene goes through the motions, getting laid himself just about every time he turned around, and being pursued by the treason-brokers who want to cover their tracks….Cody can’t shoot his .44 Magnum worth a shit but he nails every sexy chick in sight whether he wants to or not, namely his female Cop-buddy “Sgt. Beverly McAffee” (played by 80’s nudity-prone actress Lori Sutton). The lovemaking scene between Cody and Beverly at the Malibu “beachhouse” is to this day one of the best R-rated sex scenes ever filmed, and one that affected my own taste in cinematic sex-scenes because it formed a whole new “line” between what I consider on-screen “lovemaking” scenes and more gratuitous-quick “porno” scenes in films of this caliber.

That particular “beach house sex” scene between Cody and Beverly also pushed the envelope just a bit for R-rated scenes of the time period because of the way Cody squeezed Beverly’s ass cheeks as they rolled over together in the bed, one of several movements they showed in this scene you typically did not see even in erotic-thriller films of the early 1980’s. From Beverly to the Contessa, to June Khnockers, and even some used car sales-chick in a cowboy hat, Cody was slipping it to all of them but in the most humorously “gentleman’s” way, using his Texas charm to get where he wants to go and find his villain before he gets his balls blown off!

Needless to say Cody finally runs down the bad guy but not until after a high-speed pursuit in June Knockers’ race car with her riding shotgun (and topless) while evil minions shoot at him from a pursuing helicopter in the desert! Yes, funny-violence in the order of the day in this film and I found myself amused with how this guy Cody gets out of jams and cross hairs easier than the roadrunner being hunted by the coyote in that old cartoon, haha. Also funny was the way Cody Abilene always seemed to get what he was looking for, one of those never-die characters only seen in fiction, but he did remind me of the type of dude who seems to get sexy women chasing after him(a bit too easily) instead of the other way around! Director Andy Sidaris has a cameo in this film as the RV driver who gives Cody and June a lift out of the desert, commenting how “God has certainly blessed” June (Lynda Wiesmeier) for her big tits bulging in her tied-off shirt.

Figuring out who was stealing computer secrets as well as a murder in Beverly Hills, Cody Abilene fought and screwed his way through it all to come out on top, with CIA Operative Contessa Luciana (Sybil Danning) sending him a sexy message from her hideaway in Hawaii saying “I want you and your body here…I’m counting the days”.

This movie changed my life in the sense it seriously affected my enjoyment of films of that time period because it is 100% “80’s” from the clothing to the cars, to the slang, hairstyles, and especially to the women and how they looked back then! It was also one of the first adult-themed films I like to call “Hard R” (some reviewers called this film “softcore porn” at the time it was released on cable TV) and I later would refer to simply as “guy-flicks” because much like other films of the time period such as BACHELOR PARTY and THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN, this film was aimed at male viewers’ tastes, humor, wit, and aesthetic. Then again, not entirely….I remember a girlfriend of mine back in the 90’s was quite smitten with Cody Abilene (played by actor Darby Hinton) when we watched MALIBU EXPRESS together one night, since it did show his naked bod along with the actresses a few times!

Though many guys I know might never admit it, I for one feel that seeing beautiful women in films like this one help a guy determine what his “type” of female mate will be, at the very least fixing his ideal archetype and femme-shape in his mind for later!

MALIBU EXPRESS was one of the “sunniest” in that even when the gunfights occur, the mood doesn’t get dark and it was one of the first films I saw in my teenage years where I wished I could have been “there” in that “world” of MALIBU EXPRESS, where you might get shot but not die, and you’d definitely get laid without consequences like paternity tests and/or a case of the clap! Andy Sidaris and his wife Arlene produced numerous unattached “sequels” to the genre MALIBU EXPRESS had created, carrying on the uniquely fun flavor in such underrated flicks as PICASSO TRIGGER, SAVAGE BEACH, DO OR DIE, and GUNS to name my later favorites….casting more Playboy® Playmates in them such as Dona Speir, Cynthia Brimhall, and another of my favorites, the “Latina Suprema” Roberta Vasquez (Miss Nov. 1984).

Watching MALIBU EXPRESS was like viewing something titillating through a keyhole (my TV set) where a whole other world of fantasy-escapism was viewed for the first time by a young man who was about to go into the military (me) with fond movie memories to remind him of what he was protecting while in uniform…after all, where else in this world but in the Free U.S.A. do writers and directors create such a film to enjoy?

Unfortunately the only cast members of this film who would be seen in later films is Sybil Danning and Brett Clark, and I kinda wondered what happened to the ultra-sexy Lori Sutton (Beverly McAffee) and Kimberly McArthur (Faye) but some actresses don’t get other film roles and simply return to everyday obscurity and a happy life elsewhere!

What ever happened to Darby Hinton (Cody Abilene)?? Well I for one never saw him in another film role after this one, so maybe my ex-girlfriend went out to California and got in the shower with him on that yacht harbored in Malibu…..after all, life imitates art!

MALIBU EXPRESS remains to this day in my top-five favorite “80s” movies and my favorite of the dozen Sidaris films overall, it’s blend of adult humor, gratuitous nudity, alluring sex scenes, and general campy FUN something I will never forget and therefore

Andy and Arlene Sidaris are the King and Queen of 80s/90s “Guy-Flicks”, having brought fans of the “Hard R” genre (as I call it) a smorgasbord of entertaining cinema worthy of the Brass Doorknob to the Grindhouse (my own brand of film award).

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