Stallone Just Misses

Posted on Aug 13, 2010

The Expendables (2010)

Directed By: Slyvester Stallone

Review Written By: Justin Bozung
Mondo Film & Video Guide Editor
IMDb.com Link

It’s back at the fence, it’s going, it’s going….Oh – not quite.     This is the essence of Stallone’s new film in theater’s today, The Expendables.    Stallone is back this week into national theater’s with his tribute to The Dirty Dozen and 80′s action flicks, The Expendables.    Coming off the heels of his latest directorial efforts, Rocky Balboa & Rambo, Stallone delivers a wham bam thank you mam loud, violent, bloody good time action flick.   The bullets are flying, the explosions are big, and the Expendables is alot of fun.     But is it a great film?   No.   And here’s why…..

What’s missing here is a severe lack of screenplay.   The Expendables reaches for straws, and in a major way.   The concept here is to TRY to convince the audience that Stallone and company are mercenaries that are dead inside.   Loners, guys not going to heaven, cause of all the killing they’ve done.  And this doesn’t get done the way it should.   The plot is soo loose, that I would’ve enjoyed and believed in the film more had they said, they where going into battle, to get a bucket of fried chicken from a one of a kind restaurant.  I mean, WTF.   Let’s back track for a second….

The Expendables is about a group of former soldiers for hire. They get the call, and they go in and take out, armies, dictators, solve hostage situations ect.    The group is made up of Stallone (who’s great here), Jet Lee, (who isn’t given enough to do here, I mean, c’mon he’s Jet Lee for god’s sake), Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren (thank god, Stallone put him here), and Mickey Rourke (who’s retired, and now acts as the groups, tattoo artist, slash knife expert).

The gang is hired by a private party ( Bruce Willis very kick ass cameo), to go into an island in the gulf called, Alen.  Their job to assassinate a ruthless dictator.    Stallone and Statham go in to case the island posing as wild life rescuers.   All hell breaks loose… And it’s here where The Expendables starts to fall apart.  With the aid of the dictator’s revoluntionary daughter, the two narrowly escape, in what is possible one of the coolest sequences of the film.

And that’s the plot.   Stallone can’t get the girl out of his mind.  So he decides to go back in to finish what he started.  And of course, the gang goes along, cause their “The Expendables”.   As you can imagine, the body count rises, the bad guy exterminated, the day is saved, and all is fine..  And that is exactly what happens here.   It’s boring.

What makes The Expendables fun is the fact that the film doesn’t take it’s self seriously for one second.  There are great scenes between Stallone and Statham,   And a hilarious moment during a hostage standoff, where Statham in the middle of negotiations, says,” Sorry, I just got a text.”    Finally, the greatest sequence of the film, is the much hyped cameos of Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Willis is the “private party” that hired The Expendables.  And Arnold is the rep of another group of mercenaries also being considered for the job.  With some lovable banter, between the three, including some jokes, the punch line, comes as Arnold hands Stallone a stogie, and says “let’s have dinner some day” and Stallone replies “Not in this life.”   As Arnold leaves, Bruce Willis says, “What’s up with him?”  And Stallone finishes the conversation with “I hear he wants to be president!”   It’s safe to say that millions of us have waited for such a scene with these three all our lives.

Not as violent, but almost as gory as Stallone’s latest Rambo, The Expendables is good popcorn fun.   Look for an occasional head getting shot clean off, and alot and I mean ALOT of CGI blood bursts from shot soldiers.   With Stallone putting out three new written and directed by films,  he goes two for three in my book.  With the Expendables enjoyable, but not worth watching again like the others, Stallone is completely back! I can’t imagine we’ll ever see another, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot! or Judge Dread, or Demolition Man for that matter.

Justin Bozung is the Editor of the Mondo Film & Video Guide.  You can email him directly at justinb@mondo-video.com