Should’ve Would’ve Could’ve

Mondo Top Ten: Actresses That Should’ve Been In Kick-Ass Movie Roles Taken By Others!

Written By: Ken Knight
Mondo Film & Video Guide Feature Contributor

Surely anyone who is a Movie-hound or Cinema Schlock-Jock has at one time or another imagined a certain film role “re-cast” with their favorite actor or actress other than the one who was actually cast in the part, for whatever reasons….yes, it’s mostly because we imagine another actor or actress we favor doing a better job than the one who was there or we just want to see our favorite thespian more and to hell with the official casting!

Go on many a Film Fan Blog nowadays and you’ll see such discussions about who might have been a better actor or actress in this or that film role, one such example is the ever- on-going debate as to what Actor woulda-shoulda-coulda make the better “James Bond”!

For my own dissertation on this fan phenomenon, I’m sticking to “top-ten” Actresses whom I feel should have been cast in certain past films other than the femmes who got the job! Of course one could go back fifty years and come up with roles in countless films for countless actresses they would have preferred, but I will keep it simple by focusing on just a “top ten” over the course of the past 25 years to keep it within the scope of most Mondo Reader’s lifetimes!

10. Bianca Barnett

Featured In: Devil’s Muse, Albino Farm

Barnett would have been a better choice for the character “Arlene” aka “Butterfly” in the 2007 Quentin Tarantino film DEATHPROOF instead of actress Vanessa Ferlito. Bianca is an up-and-coming actress with a flair for the horror flick and I think she’s one of the most alluringly talented new crop of actresses who belong in Hollywood considering the lesser-talented fops being put on the big screen nowadays. Bianca Barnett as “Butterfly” in DEATHPROOF would have improved the character by looks and sex-appeal not to mention Bianca’s obvious ability to act “mean” but still be sexy at the same time….something actress Vanessa Ferlito didn’t pull off in the film. Ferlito has too much New York in her perhaps, and I’d love DEATHPROOF all the more if Bianca had been cast as “Butterfly” instead!

09. Monique “Gata” Dupree

Featured In: Skeleton Key 2, American Gangster

Dupree would have been a much better choice for the role of the Nurse named “Ana” in the 2004 reboot horror film DAWN OF THE DEAD instead of actress Sarah Polley! The role of the nurse named Ana in this zombie-apocalypse film was the main character protagonist and actress Sarah Polley didn’t do a good job fleshing it out. Wooden acting aside, that character would have improved dramatically if actress Monique Dupree had been cast in it instead, for there would have been a more believable female character overall with Monique’s brand of acting, not to mention the fact she’s a genuine Fan of horror filmmaking which I think should be a prerequisite for horror film thespians regardless!

It would also be nice to see Monique in future episodes of the HBO vampire series TRUE BLOOD because well, just look at her…isn’t she the epitome of sexy vampire??

08. Scarlett Johansson

Featured In: He’s Just Not That Into You, Iron Man II

Scarlett Johansson for the role of “Tess” in the hit film OCEAN’S ELEVEN and sequels instead of Julia Roberts!

Have to say the anorexic-looking Julia Roberts in the remake film OCEAN’S ELEVEN bored the hell out of me, and made me think of her as the only character they could have done-without in that film. Now, imagine replacing her with the much better-looking and physically-appealing Scarlett Johansson for the role of “Tess” back then and I bet you’re eyes just widened with the image of such! That character was a pivotal role in the course of the film’s plot and Scarlett Johansson could have pulled it off with more believability, pizzazz, and attractive appearance than Julia Roberts could have done on a good day. Like you’re probably already agreeing to, Scarlett would have been much easier on straight male eyes watching OCEANS ELEVEN even if they put her in those awful burlap-bag dresses Julia Roberts wore for the part!

07. Rosario Dawson

Featured In: 25TH Hour, Deathproof, Unstoppable

Rosario would have made a much finer “Padme Amidala” in STAR WARS Episodes I. II, and III instead of actress Natalie Portman! Rosario’s beauty and talent in expression acting would have improved the role not to mention the fact she’s by far hotter than the waif-ish Natalie Portman.

The character of Padme Amidala was one of privilege and elegance blended with stern moral values she was willing to fight and die for, a role Rosario Dawson would have surely embraced wholeheartedly (though Rosario is in reality a STAR TREK fan! haha) and could have pulled off a better looking and more regal and physically-adept “Padme” if she had been cast in the role from “The Phantom Menace” to “Revenge of the Sith”.

Dawson vs. Portman point # 2 ~ Rosario is more sensual and alluring in appearance, more “adult” in-character and strikingly believable, as opposed to the child-like Portman whose acting skill falls well behind Miss Dawson’s. I am a serious fan of the STAR WARS film franchise myself and my only “complaint” (besides those damn “Ewoks” in Episode VI) is some of the dialogue between characters! I mean for real, the Anakin-Padme dynamic borders on the childish, though the concept-love-story is a good one.

Hayden Christensen paired with Rosario Dawson instead of Portman would have made the three prequel films a lot better in this Critic’s opinion and the overall character of “Padme” would have shined a lot brighter.

06. Carla Gugino

Featured In: Watchmen, Righteous Kill

Carla Gugino would have been an excellent choice instead of actress Denise Richards in 1997’s STARSHIP TROOPERS as the sexy female Flight Officer “Carmen Ibanez”. Richards to me is irritating and Carla Gugino has a salty way about her acting that would have made the role more realistic (considering it was a military one anyway) since Denise Richards played it like a prom-priss with a stick up her ass! The cute and tough-sexy Carla as “Carmen” in STARSHIP TROOPERS would have improved the film greatly, even if they stuck with the original character script.

05. Betsy Russell

Featured In: Avenging Angel, Private School, SAW III-VI

Betsy would have been a rather snazzy alternative to Sharon Stone in BASIC INSTINCT. Betsy’s sultry exterior and overall beauty would have made the femme-fatale role in that film different and in this writer’s opinion better in a way considering Betsy’s ability to make quite the sinister facial expressions and be alluringly sexy at the same time. Just check out her slinky role in the film PRIVATE SCHOOL where she made Phoebe Cates look like a geek by comparison! Sharon Stone was a hottie in BASIC INSTINCT but imagine Betsy Russell of recent SAW horror film fame as her replacement and I think you’ll see where I’m coming from. Well-built, talented, and possessing the “look” of a femme-fatale who could seduce you or kill you, Betsy Russell in that film role would have been a real treat!

04. Cirsten Weldon

Featured In: Hard to Die, The Doorsl

Weldon would have made a great “Bond Girl” in the 007 series film LICENSE TO KILL instead of actress Diane Lee in the role of the Hong Kong Narcotics Agent named “Loti”. Cirsten had better looks, a tougher but still sexy appearance and no doubt would have pulled off the role all the better from what I’ve see of her! Sometimes I lament the fact there are so many enticingly-talented ladies like Cirsten who would have made such a better Bond Femme in the film-series I enjoy!.

03. Roberta Vasquez

Featured In: Street Asylum, Easy Wheels, The Rookie

Yet another well-shaped Playboy® Playmate-turned-Actress in the 1980’s (as well as a former Police Officer) who made it to the big screen as well as late night Cable TV and the one I affectionately call “Latina Suprema”. Roberta clearly showed acting talent and coupled with her stunning good looks as well as super-fit physique, so she would have performed a better “Private Vasquez” in the 1986 sci-fi epic ALIENS instead of actress Jenette Goldstein(who isn’t even Hispanic!). The character of “Vasquez” in that film was tough but sexy, a role Roberta would have knocked out of the park if she had been chosen for that role judging by her performances in gritty flicks such as “Street Asylum” and even if she had cut her long silky dark hair for the role in ALIENS, she would have looked better than Jenette!

I would also have loved to have seen Roberta Vasquez in the 1984 guy-flick comedy film BACHELOR PARTY as Tom Hanks’ sexy female admirer sitting totally-naked on the bed in that scene (you know the one!) instead of actress Monique Gabrielle. Roberta Vasquez retired from acting after 1993 but she is fondly remembered

02. Ola Ray

Featured In: Michael Jackson’s Thriller, 10 to Midnight, 48 Hours

Playboy® Magazine’s “Miss June 1980” and more famously the “girlfriend” in Michael Jackson’s THRILLER video as well as naked stints in films like 10 to Midnight. Cute face, cuter body, and a disarming smile on her face, Ola Ray would have been a better choice as the female Police Partner in 1987’s ROBOCOP instead of plain-jane actress Nancy Allen! Ola was more athletic-looking and easier on the eyes than Nancy Allen and judging by her acting appearances during the 80’s, Ola could have pulled off the role of “Officer Lewis” a lot better and thus the film would have been better for it. Director Paul Verhoeven would surely put in a nude-scene with Ola….she was a Playboy Centerfold chick after all!

01. Morgana Roberts

Featured In: Indian Raid, Kingpin

This “Kissing Bandit” should have been cast in the 1982 comedy film Nine to Five as the character “Doralee” instead of Dolly Parton! Dolly’s character in that film role was sexual window-dressing (big-breasted blonde secretary) and the focus of her boss’ sexual harassment. Morganna “Kissing Bandit” Roberts would have been better for that simple role because at the time she was better looking, had better hair, and far bigger boobs than Dolly (Morganna posed in Playboy® magazine in June 1983 mind you). Known best for her Major League Baseball sprints out onto the fields to kiss the Players, huge knockers jiggling in tight t-shirts, Morganna would have been a so much more delectable “Doralee”