Worst Film Of All Time – May 2010

Posted on May 4, 2010

The Worst Film Of All Time – May 2010

Batman & Robin (1997) 

Written By: Justin Bozung
Mondo Film & Video Guide Co-Founder 

What makes a movie bad?  Or let me re-phrase that question.  What makes a bad movie good?    Edward D Wood Jr. was the king of making bad entertaining movies.  They develop cult followings, even provoke drinking games honoring them.  But what makes a bad movie? Is it the fault of the director, producer, the editor, the script writers???  Totally… Hollywood has spent millions of wasteful dollars on these types of movies, cinematic Titanic’s that sink so quickly, that you can’t help but sit back, and enjoy them in awe… 

Starting this new monthly column, we’ve decided to start with a no brainer of the “Worst Movie Of All Time” genre.  1997′s Batman & Robin.   Let’s step in and watch this baby start to sink…  The Hollywood Batman franchise was a powerhouse back in the late 1980′s and early 1990′s.  Weird indoor kid filmmaker, Tim Burton, kick-started Bat Mania in 1989 with the release of his first entry of the comic book hero, Batman (1989).   The 1989 film is a brilliant dark horse that features startling performances from Jack Nicholson and Michael Keaton.  Two years later, Burton returns with the sequel, Batman Returns (1992).   While a entertaining film, Batman Returns does leak quite a bit while a float on the water.  The film is less tongue and cheek, nothing about it makes for fun film going,  and it’s much more gothic and hopeless that the previous entry.  The script just isn’t as good as the first film, and sadly, that’s where it fails… 

Moving forward to 1995, Tim Burton has walked away from the franchise. Michael Keaton walks away from Batman, and Hollywood as well.   Hollywood see’s the potential dollar signs, and wants MORE…MORE…MORE!   Enter director, Joel Schmacher.   Schmacher, a gun for hire, has had a wonderful career in Hollywood, creating such memorable films as, The Lost Boys (1987), Flatliners (1989), Falling Down (1993), and A Time To Kill (1996).   Schmacher decides to take the franchise, and just literally stab it to death.   He replaces Michael Keaton, with Val Kilmer, and takes the dark gothic  feel out of it, and transforms it into an actual filmed comic book…  Schmacher’s Batman film, delivers the goods for the most part, his big budget opus puts butts into theater seats,  and his casting creates history, putting the great Jim Carrey into the role of “The Riddler”.    The film does very well at the box-office, and instantly, Schmacher is tapped to do the follow up, Batman & Robin (1997) .   And it’s here where we will go completely down in flames… 

The Akiva Goldsman script (writer of Batman Forever, A Beautfiul Mind, and Cinderella Man) is a disaster.  Trying to duplicate the concept of Batman Forever, Schmacher and Goldsman, decide to take it up a notch, and include more trademark’d characters from the Batman franchise.   In the first two minutes of Batman & Robin (1997), we experience a close up of Batman’s ass.  A discussion about how girls like cars. And let’s not forget, half way through when George Clooney as Batman, pulls out a Batman American Express card, and says “I never leave home without it!” People are fleeing, and their are no lifeboats left. 

 Batman & Robin see’s Batman ( George Clooney replacing Val Kilmer this time) and his boy wonder, Robin (Chris O-Donnell – yikes, don’t get me started on O’Donnell, he can’t act his way out of paperbag) fighting the evil Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman) and the notorious Mr. Freeze ( the governor of Cali-Fournia, Arnold Swachenegger, or however it’s spelled).    Warner Brothers  thrust the knife in us deeper, Schmacher adds Bat Girl, played, by the one and only, Alicia Silverstone.  How can you say anything bad about her?  She’s gorgeous, but she can’t act either.  During produciton, Silverstone was often rumored to be replaced, as she had a difficult time keeping her weight down and in control.   In fact, in some scenes, it’s very obvious that her weight is  in flux, as you can see her face go from uber tiny to the shape of a giant massive twinkie…   When her face goes twinkie shaped, the bat girl sure does look hilarious… 

Where this film fails, is clear. It’s Goldsman’s script.  The dialogue is the most hilarious and cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard uttered from any actor’s mouth.  Uma Thurman tries her best, to deliver a character, with virtually nothing to source from, except perhaps the comic book.   The real issue here, is  that Poison Ivy and Mr Freeze, are not even great characters, even going back to the Batman comic series.  The script to Batman & Robin is quite possibly the worst screenplay ever written in the history of Hollywood film.  Period.   But, it sure is a ton of fun.   Lastly, just because I’ve bent this film over and had my way with it, doesn’t mean that I do not love it. I do… I watch it a few times a year, when I wanna pee myself stupid with laughter..  It’s that’s good… 

 Schmacher’s direction is excellent throughout the film.  It’s a highly visual film, that pleases the eyes more than your brain.   It does feel exactly like you’re in a comic book.  The saviour of Batman & Robin comes with Arnold Brownswagger.  He’s comically amazing as Mr. Freeze. His costume and make up are amazing to look at, and his dialogue makes you consider to yourself, that you JUST maybe could be watching the greatest comic performance in motion picture history… 

His dialogue consists of every single joke and pun you could spend your entire life thinking up involving ice, cold, freezing, freezing anything, being cold, or it being cold outside.  After all, Mr Freeze is essentially a frozen popsicle that was created from man gone wrong via a weird science experiment.  So you can see why these puns and jokes would always be on his frozen mind. Before we go any further, take a look below at this amazing homage to Arnold’s character, Mr. Freeze in Batman  & Robin (1997)


 

Arnold’s performance makes me giggle just when I think back about it…  Select sections of dialogue are too much for Schizernergger in this film, and it does seem like his  accent has some trouble here and there.  But Schmaker lets it go. I mean, it’s Arnold, right?   Batman & Robin is truly one of the worst films Hollywood has ever puked up into national multi-plexes.  So with that, The Mondo Film & Video Guide salutes you!   Finally,  we can let Batman & Robin sink to the bottom of the bad movie abyss.  So, sink baby sink.  Batman & Robin (1997) does have one of the lowest ratings on IMDb.com, and you can also buy a used DVD of this film on amazon.com for a mere $1.81 plus shipping. And there is just NO reason at all to mention, Bane. I mean, really? Anyone, have a beer? 

Justin Bozung is the Co-Founder of the Mondo Film & Video Guide. You can email him directly at justinb@mondo-video.com